I write
quite often about the influence of words. Why? In my opinion, there is no more
important subject on the face of the earth. How we speak to ourselves, and how
others speak to us, has a long-lasting effect. Here’s one familiar case study:
Cinderella must have been criticized
continually by her self-centered stepmother and stepsisters. It didn’t matter
that the criticism was untrue or exaggerated. The message she received and believed was that she was worthless.
As far as we
can tell, Cinderella was born into the nobility. Her birthright was to have domestic
help and interact with other nobles. Her selfish stepfamily mentally beat her
down until she lost the vision of her inner beauty and legacy. They treated her
like a servant, spoke to her like a servant, and that’s what she became.
Who knows?
If her relatives had been kinder and less egocentric, Cinderella might have had
the confidence to leave her restricted life much earlier. As it was, she
probably didn’t even realize that rejecting the household domestic’s life was
an option.
Of course,
illustrations of the importance of how we speak to people are even more
relevant in real-life situations. I have known a variety of individuals,
including myself, who were scarred for years by cruel feedback:
Jane
This friend still remembers how a selfish, uncaring person
spoke to her years ago. He said she was plain, untalented, and not likely to
get married. It was years before Jane was able to push past the unkindness and
open herself to a committed relationship.
Greg
He was
abused in many ways during his childhood. He still remembers every detail of
the mistreatment. It has been a part of his psyche for decades. It defined him
until a few years ago. That’s when he finally decided he was not going to allow
the marginalization of his younger years to continue shaping his character. Healing is still an uphill battle, though.
What is the Solution?
There are
numerous methods for speaking in a positive manner. It’s more difficult than
using the default setting of negativity; but, it can be done. Joyce Meyer cites
the following suggestions:
1. Use words to bless, encourage, and
edify.
We shouldn’t allow our speech to be
influenced by difficult feelings or circumstances. For instance, I try not to let
illness keep me from giving people compliments. A few words of kindness is all
it takes to make someone smile and bring the light back into our own minds.
Even if we feel
only frustration or anger in regard to a certain person, there is usually something
optimistic we can say. We might compliment their outfit, their project, their
children, and so forth.
2. Show gratitude.
Sometimes, we have to go through it
to get to it. In the
meantime, there is always something to be thankful for:
- We’re sick, but we have medical insurance.
- It’s storming outside, but our power is still on.
- Our kids are driving us crazy, but they’re healthy.
- Our supervisor is unfair, but we have a job.
My Conclusion
Words can either
build us up or tear us down. They may paint dark pictures of the limited life
that the listener supposedly deserves. On the other hand, they may portray more
hopeful scenarios that edify the listener. Each time we open our mouths, we
choose darkness or light. That’s why it’s crucial to think before we speak.
Do your
words demolish or improve egos? Do they speak life, or death?
