Forgiveness
is a hot issue these days. We are more easily offended than ever. Some of us
are quick to involve others in court cases. Groups fight among themselves.
Families are at odds.
If we allow
ourselves, there are plenty of opportunities to get upset. Two of the many
injustices in life follow:
- Some people who offend others do it on purpose.
- Some individuals will never admit to doing anything wrong.
What is the Solution?
My dear
online friend and fellow author, Dr. Rosanne Higgins, has some wise ideas on
the subject. I have typed her comments below, exactly as she wrote them to me:
I was thinking of that scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie show up at his parents’ door having
been blinded by soap poisoning. It was his fantasy to make his parents feel
guilty and regret all of the times they washed his mouth out with soap.
I think people can get obsessed about trying to get
the other person to realize that they were wrong, or acted badly in a
particular situation. The fact of the matter is that often no matter how hard
we try, the other person does not see the error of their ways.
It can be all consuming for us to try and make them
see how they wronged us. I think what
many people need to learn is to let it go. Some people will treat us badly
with no remorse. Best to stay away from those people.
Sometimes we need to make hard decisions about who
we allow in our lives. Sometimes we have to change jobs or even careers to get
the toxic people out of our lives because even if we become blinded due to soap
poisoning, they will not recognize or admit their part in it.
It is so easy to become obsessed when we know we are
right. But in the end it really does not matter because the only person hanging
on to that negative interaction is the person who was wronged. The other person
never gave it a second thought and never will.
Please see Dr. Higgins’ blog about
history here. You can also
link out to her wonderful historical fiction series from there.
The Different Types of Forgiveness
Please watch
this brilliantly insightful 5-minute video from psychiatrist, Dr. Stephen Marmer. It
explains the various methods of pardoning those who offend us, whether they
deserve, or ask for, clemency:
My Conclusion
Unforgiveness
can backfire; it can end up “poisoning” us, instead of the person who hurt us. Each wrong that we refuse to pardon adds to
the darkness within us, even though it might have no effect on the person who mistreated
us. The painful experience for us may only be a minor blip on the radar of
their life, if they acknowledge it in
the first place.
The process
of admitting to wrongdoing is a powerfully humbling experience; no two ways
about it. While some individuals are
strong enough and brave enough to acknowledge their faults, others will never
do so. That’s where “letting it go” comes in.
In the
meantime, the Bible gives us two points of guidance to keep the spiritual light
in our lives:
- Concern ourselves only with our own sins; let others worry about theirs.
- Forgive everybody else, whether they deserve it or not.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brooding and slander,
along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to on another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”--Ephesians 4:31-32
(NIV)
Related Posts
Have you let go of the darkness of
unforgiveness?
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