“For now we see through a glass,
darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even
as also I am known. “ 1 Corinthians 13:12 (KJV)
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It’s easy for
us to think we understand ourselves
and the world perfectly. People see everything through the lenses of their training,
right or wrong.
What if our vision
is cloudy? What if our preparation for the realities of life is incomplete? We
could be making short-sighted judgments and choices.
Peter, the Disciple
This strong
man had his weaknesses. He was a rough fisherman. That was his background. He
had a temper, and he spoke before he thought. That’s the personality he grew up
with.
Fortunately,
he had gained discipline and power by the time the events in the book of Acts
took place. He was a different man.
Do we Criticize Others too Soon?
Everybody
has a story to tell. All people have limitations of some kind. Some of us try
to hide them. That’s why it makes no sense that we judge each other so harshly.
Many people
think they’re qualified to evaluate others before they know their full
background. If we know the motive for hurtful behavior, we might be able to
understand it. However, there’s a big difference between
comprehending inappropriateness and excusing, or accepting, it. I’m
not suggesting we give any bad behavior a pass. Here are some situations
we might come across:
- That co-worker lashes out because she’s in pain continually.
- A friend has a debilitating illness that damages her way of thinking.
- That abuser of her children was hurt during her childhood.
- The technologically challenged senior citizen can’t afford any devices in her own home. She doesn’t even have a telephone plan with a major carrier.
- A student’s discomfort with reading is caused by a medical condition.
- The woman who seems to think slowly is dealing with major medical and personal crises.
We’re all Damaged.
Many of us
have been living with trauma since we were young. Some people pass on that pain
to those who are closest to them. This is especially true for victims of child
abuse and neglect.
The
strongest of us are mature enough to recognize when we’re passing on our own
pain. Surely that takes incredible self-awareness.
The words
that are spoken to us are powerful. Some of us have been given emotionally crippling
messages—directly or indirectly-- such as:
- “Live only by your emotions.”
- “Showing emotion is not acceptable.”
- “Physical limitations are a sign of weakness or inferiority.”
- “Disagreement with my way of thinking is not allowed.”
The result
of such communication is often diminished confidence. In any case, we can’t
expect positive outcomes.
My Conclusion
“The tree which moves some to tears
of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing which stands in the way.”—English
poet/artist William Blake
The world
definitely doesn’t look the same to every person. We look at it through the lens of our
background and our environment (culture).
We can’t
pass on what we have no training in. In that way, social interactions are the
same as hobbies or academics. That’s why patience and understanding are
important in any relationship.
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