“Between two
brains, there will always be misunderstandings and lies caused by parasitic
smells, drafts and poor-quality reception.” –Bernard Werber, Empire of the Ants
My last
article was about being aware of what message we’re sending out when we
communicate. Today I will discuss the
message we’re receiving when we interact with others. It’s self-defeating
when we make assumptions during any communication.
It is often easy to take in the general idea of “You’re not good
enough.” Yet, is that always the intended concept? Here are some examples of
when communication, or the lack of it, can be misinterpreted:
- I have a hearing loss. People can feel annoyed, and even disrespected, when they have to repeat themselves to me.
- I have had many issues with angry drivers honking at me for the slightest reason. Usually, it’s because I have slowed them down for two whole seconds. That’s why I usually refuse to look other drivers in the face now. In one instance, I ignored people honking at me for weeks. Then, a man walked up to me and told me that my tire was going flat.
Christine
Holmberg is a cherished friend of many years. She is a wife and mother of two young
children. Recently, she decided to publish some thoughts on disrespectful
situations that are common to all of us:
Certainly people can be mean and selfish. Certainly things are said that come across painful and insensitive. But, I wonder if they are always intended to be. I wonder if they have to be. So, here is my own ‘Open Letter’.
To the woman who gave me the stink eye when my crazy
5-yr old splashed our daughter at the splash park:
I choose to believe you were concerned about your
daughter, not intending to make me feel bad about my own parenting. It wasn’t
actually a stink eye as much as it was my own embarrassment of the situation
coloring my take on it. I handled it the best I could, and I trust that you
know that, because you’re human too. Even if not, it doesn’t hurt me to believe
it.
To the selfish girl who wouldn’t get off her phone
as she stood in line at the grocery store, making me wait longer:
I choose to believe you are talking with a friend
who might need your friendship more than I need you to move a few seconds
faster. Perhaps you are convincing her she should leave that horrible
boyfriend, or that she’s too smart to quit school. I choose to believe you are
focusing your attention on someone who needs you, not being self-involved. Even
if not, it doesn’t hurt me to believe it.
To the woman on her phone at the part, as her crazy
child runs circle and pushes my own kid:
I choose to believe you are doing your best. That on
the way to the park, you spend the whole drive reminding your son that he
shouldn’t hit, that he should share, that he should come to you when he’s
angry. I choose to believe you are on your phone because this is our one break
away from a hard parenting situation. You do need a break, you deserve one
because I choose to believe you are doing our best, not negligent. Even if not,
it doesn’t hurt me to believe it.
To the person who ignored me and blocked my way as I
tried to get by with my cart at the grocery store:
I choose to believe you were lost in thought, not
trying to keep me from my destination. I choose to believe you may have been
daydreaming about a wonderful past experience that has you distracted with joy.
Or perhaps dealing with a difficult situation that has you pondering your own
response and emotional strength. I choose to believe you are simply distracted,
not rude and selfish. Even if not, it doesn’t hurt me to believe it.
There are so many things that require our emotional
attention. My time and heart are spent better on believing that you are good.
That your intentions are pure. That you are human and doing the best you can,
just as I am. I choose to believe this because even if not, it doesn’t hurt me
to believe it. In fact, it gives me peace and hope in humankind. It gives me
freedom to raise my children in my best way, and you to raise yours in your
best way. And that we can both be right. Because we are human. And doing our
best. I choose to believe this.
My Conclusion
“Fools find no
pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.”—Proverbs 18:2
(NIV)
Related Posts
Do you interpret every communication with the proper insight?
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